I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
