I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Text me some of your sweat
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
