are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
