they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
