you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
