she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
