Please, let me fuck your mom
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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