conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
