I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
