Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I wear drunk well.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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