What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
