oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
