I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
