Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
