pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
"it" just moved
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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