you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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