Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm like, not good at living.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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