i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think my moral compass just broke
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