How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
