No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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