So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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