Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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