In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
