I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
