Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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