I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
