i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
