Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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