mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
