I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
