return my video game
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
