Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
