Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You are a genius and a whore.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
