Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
