Banned from zoo.
Again?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
