I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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