Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
smell my finger.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
