can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
