So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
