Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
