I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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