you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
