mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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