your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
