i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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