Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
