gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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