He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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