i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the condom got lost in my hair
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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