bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude i'm inner monologue high
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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